The Beauty of Sacrifice

"They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm."
Psalm 20:8

Sacrifice. That's what I'm calling this season of my life. Season is kind of a christian-y word so if you are unfamiliar with the term it basically means a part of your life that God is taking you through. Ecclesiastes 3 is one of the best pictures of seasons in the bible. As Christians, we will have many different seasons because God is not going to teach us one thing in our entire life, we will learn many things and usually it takes different situations, sometimes different situations teaching the same things (we are so stubborn) for us to learn them.

So back to Sacrifice. Entering this semester, I knew that the Lord wanted to strip away my earthly desires from me. Because honestly, I will be moving to Africa after I graduate for at least a year and then probably for forever. I can finally say in confidence (and excitement) that I am going to be a missionary. I kind of came to the conclusion that I wasn't just going to start being a missionary when I moved to Africa but that I needed to start living as one now. Well my sacrificial life didn't last long but then came Lent. I was really convicted to strip away the things of this world that enslave me. I am going to be very transparent here so please do not see this as boasting but confessing what I HAD to give up for Lent because it was interfering with my walk with the Lord. I am not so awesome because I'm giving up all these things, I literally HAD to do it. Be encouraged that you're not as screwed up as me.

1) TV. I chose to give up TV because I spent more time watching TV than I did spending time with my Savior. I just couldn't understand why fake characters were more interesting to me than the REAL person who shed His blood for me.
2) Facebook & Twitter. Most people would say that these are idols of time, which they definitely are for me but more importantly they are idols of approval. Embarrassingly, I must admit that I actually LOVE when people retweet my tweets or favorite them or reply to me telling me how great they are. And I hate posting a facebook status and not getting likes on it. This is extremely embarrassing for me but I gotta be honest with you guys. I find way too much worth in what people think of my words.
3) Fast food. When I'm having a bad day my first want is to run to food. Fast food makes that extremely easy for me. When I'm having a bad day or something disrupts my life, I should run to Jesus first, always. Food is definitely a "comforter" for me. Jesus should always be my portion and my comfort.

Those are the main things. So embarrassing but so good because even in one day I have already noticed Jesus' faithfulness through my sacrifice.

Sacrifice is one of the best ways to bond with our Savior. He gave the ultimate sacrifice for us in death, so when we sacrifice parts of our life in order to be closer to Him, we feel a little bit of what He felt. When I say little, I mean 1/1000th but it's still beautiful to bond with Him in that.

All of these things are also drawing me to do the thing that will ultimately revolutionize my life, prayer. Being in communion with my Savior through prayer is what will make my life different when it comes to trial. If I am always talking with Jesus, when something bad happens and I tell Him about it, it won't feel weird or awkward. And it certainly won't feel like I'm asking "just because I need something". Prayer is the ultimate thing to TAKE ON for Lent. Whatever you're giving up should lead you to be with Jesus more. If it's some sort of food, when you want that food, pray. Spend time with the Lord and let Him remind you that you should rely on Him always. Man does not live on bread alone.

I can't wait to live in Africa. I can't wait to have nothing. I really can't. I rely on so many things to give me joy and ONLY my Savior can do that. I encourage you to search your heart and find where you find your joy. If it really is only in Jesus then I commend you, you're a baller. If not, run to Jesus. Only He can truly satisfy the desires of your heart.

When I really think about it, sacrifice seems like nothing if this gets to be my life everyday :)

In Him,
Crissy

Being faithful in the little.

I just got back from one of the best weekends I've had in a while. I spent the weekend with my bestfriends in Lubbock, Texas. For me, it took 8 hours of driving to get there. Luckily most of that drive included one of my bestfriends as well. This drive gave me lots of time to think about the upcoming seasons of my life and reflecting on what God has done in the past.

Bear with me, I know this post will be long but I think it's something that we all relate to.

Personally, I am in a constant fleshly struggle of wanting to know every detail of God's plan for my life and wanting to know 0% of God's plan for my life. I never get either, as I'm sure you guys can relate, but it would sometimes be nice to know some little details or know that you're NEVER going to know. I realize that both of these ideals are very faithless in our great big God, but what can I say? I'm human.

So with wanting to know everything...this is the camp I usually hang out in. I would like to know everything that God has for my life so I can therefore make life-decisions based on that plan and just work everything out in my perfect human world. That would be great, right? Wrong. This plan completely rules out faith in the God of the universe. And honestly if God had told me that after college I would be moving to Africa when I was 16 years old...I probably wouldn't have actually answered that call til I was about 60. So in hindsight, not knowing everything is pretty great.

And now some of you are going to think I'm weird here. Sometimes I just want to know that God is never going to reveal anything to me until the very moment that it happens. I know that sound strange but in my life, I am very black and white. I want my yes's to be yes's and no's to be no's. When trusting God with your life, sometimes that means going back on promises that your human heart decided and made. If I didn't know ANY part of my plan, then heck, I could do whatever I wanted and not have to worry about working towards some goal. This plan also completely eliminates a need for Jesus all the time, it makes me need Him only in the moments that my life changes.

Now to where I am right now. Right now I know about 3 things for the next year and half.
-I know that I will be in Kenya during June and July.
-I know that I will finish my last year of college next may.
-I know that I will move overseas (probably to africa) after I graduate.

That is it. That's all I know. I don't know if I'll go to A&M next year, I don't know where I'll be living next year (which includes the whole school thing), I don't know what organization I will be moving overseas with, I basically don't know a lot of things. And for the planner side of me, well that freaking KILLS me. For the spontaneous part of me, that makes me the happiest person alive. And for the whole me, that does tend to stress me out, I need to know where I am going to spend next year, for human purposes...like literally where will I live? With who? What city? So many things.

But amidst all the unknowing, I do know one thing 100%. I have a great big Father in Heaven who loves me and wants to succeed.

With that knowledge, I am going to be faithful in the little. Our generation is PASSIONATE and it's beautiful. But sometimes we think that success in God's eyes is the same as success in the world's eyes. So we all strive to be christian speakers, pastors, worship leaders, rappers...something. Because we know God has big plans for us(and He does) but remember, that our human definition of big is not God's definition.

Be faithful in the little. Be faithful in the person or place that is right in front of you. See where God has you TODAY. Not a year from now and not next week but TODAY. And when you do need to make a decision about next year, next month, next week, or even tomorrow, spend some serious time consulting God about it. He loves you so much and WANTS to help you and LOVES you. All you have to do is ask.

Sometimes being faithful in the little means simply praying and reading your bible...actually that's always what it means. Always pray. Always spend time with Jesus. Always want His will for your life. Seek first the kingdom of God....and He'll take care of everything else.

And remember, little is also in human terms. Being faithful in the little today is actually being faithful in the BIG in the Kingdom.

Choosing to be faithful in the little today,
Crissy

IM GOING BACK!

Well it is officially OFFICIAL!

Minus the financial side...my trip planning to go back to Kenya is officially underway! Thanks to the talented and lovely Whitney Koonce, I will get to live my dream this summer.

The tentative plan is that I will stay in Naivasha (which is about an hour and a half north of Nairobi) for most of June and all of July with Pastor's on their property. Which also happens to be the property tha their children's home is on! I will get to help teach the kids english, help with them with their gardening chores and taking care of the donkeys, chickens and rabbits and at night we will have devotionals together and even sometimes we will get to DANCE. It's like this trip was made for me. That's our great big God for you :)

Also while I'm in Africa, I will also join the Tin Roof Society trip in June to Nairobi and Mombasa. I am SO excited to get to serve on this trip as well because it will involve seeing many of my friends from last year and I will get to go to the BEACH! Ah.

I would write so much more but I'm late for class haha BUT I just wanted to give you guys an update on how great our God is because He completely worked out this plan for me.

Now because I will be staying all summer it is going to be a little bit more expensive. So first off I would ask that you would partner with me in PRAYER because God wants to give us our desires, we only need to ask! Secondly, if you have been blessed this year I would ask that you consider donating to my trip, I would be honored! I will also be selling beads and shirts in the next couple months to raise money too :)

Thank you so much for your support and love - I am SOOOO excited to serve God in my favorite place for 2 whole months this summer!

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Romans 10:14-15

Crissy

Today, I'm missing a lot of people.

I miss Shallom. The most beautiful singer you've ever heard.

I miss Tressy. Her laugh could make anyone instantly smile.

I miss Margaret and Esther. Their hugs made me feel at home.

I miss Catherine and Rachel. Two beautiful girls with beautiful dreams.

I miss Susan and my team of hairstylists.

I miss Telvin and his perfect smile, missing tooth and all.

I miss the hilarious teachers that taught me so much about life.

I miss Chiza and her eyes that could melt my heart.

While I miss these beautiful people and children more and more everyday, I am not sad because I know I will see them all again very soon. I will be with some of them this upcoming summer and I will be with some of them in the duration of my life and lastly, I will see ALL of them in Heaven. I'm so thankful for the life that God has given me. I actually can't believe that THIS is the life that He has chosen for me. He is so unbelievably good. This verse has never range truer in my entire life.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this
Psalm 37:4-5

Sometimes you think you know what you want for your life and you just hope that God will give it to you, but in the long run - God knows your heart better than you do. He will bring things in your life that you never thought you could love or spend your life doing and then in a single moment, He will change every. single. thing. He will make your heart literally BEAT for His purposes, His children and the things He loves. It can be scary, overwhelming and sometimes even not very much fun but ALL of the time it's AMAZING. All of the time it's perfect and all of the time it's His will. I'm so thankful to have a Father that knows me better than I know myself.

Crissy

Everything I need is You.

So finals are over and I finally have a chance to relax, slow down and just take a minute to not worry about anything. Most importantly, I finally have time to talk about what I've been wanting to talk about for the past week.


Africa.

Recently, I started reading another blog of a fellow africa-lover, Katie Davis and while I had heard of this incredible young woman before, I never really researched what exactly her life looked like. I encourage you to take some time out of your day and read about how she is choosing to live the words of our Savior.

But more than being inspired by her, more than being convicted by her and more than wanting to be just like her -- I am more intoxicated with my Father than I have been in a very long time.

To me, moving to Africa as a single woman isn't crazy, scary or even gross. It's actually hard for me to understand why other people don't want to do the exact same thing. And it's not because I'm some great human being or am so self-sacrificing, I am the opposite of those things. In fact the first time I left for Africa almost two years ago, I wasn't even as close to being as excited or ready as I should have been, I actually thought that I already KNEW everything that the Father could teach me about mission work because of my previous time spent in Mexico and Jamaica.


I've never been more wrong about any situation in my entire life.


Jesus changed my entire life on that trip. Changed it forever. After that trip, I could never again ignore the very apparent calling that God placed on my life. That does not mean that over the past two years, I haven't tried to ignore it. See the difference? As I went back to Kenya this past summer, I knew what going back meant. Warfare. Spiritual and with my flesh. Going back with the perspective of coming back forever meant that the "gross things" or "dirty things" or "hard things" wouldn't just last for two weeks, but that they would last for my lifetime. I know my flesh pretty well and I know that I LOVE the idea of serving God in every part of my life (who doesnt?) but when it comes to the point of Him showing me what it is He wants me to do...well I'm really really good at running away from every single point of it.

So here we are. December 2011. This time a year ago is when I started planning to go back for a couple weeks during the summer and this Christmas break I will start planning my trip for this upcoming summer. Hopefully an entire month this time. I am starting to plan with a much heavier heart this year.

For the past couple years, I've had COUNTLESS talks with every person I know, Christians and non-Christians about what being a missionary looks like. And it almost always inspires one of the following responses; "wow, good for you", "I could never do that full time", "wow that must be hard, it'll be easier once you're married."

Really encouraging to a single woman who feels called to go now, isn't it? And I know that no one ever meant to be discouraging or put down not just my dreams, but what God has willed my heart to beat for, but that doesn't make the fears I have brewing inside seem less validated. Satan wants me to validate those fears but I won't.

Following God's call on your life does not mean including stipulations of your own. And let me tell you, I really like putting stipulations on God's plan for me. Okay God that's great, being a missionary? No problem. Being a missionary a lone? ...well I'll get married first and then go. Be a missionary in Africa? Of course. Be a missionary in a place in Africa that's in the middle of nowhere without electricity, toilets and a place to wash my clothes? ...Well maybe after in the really nice parts for a while, I'll visit the worse off ones.

You see...I already want to call this plan "crazy" and I already want to say that I'll easily be a "part time" missionary but who knows about "full time" and I definitely want to say "Ill become full time after I get married."

But the only thing that these phrases do is place doubt in the God of the universe, the God that captures my heart daily and the God that loves me unconditionally. Whether I believe it not (and I do), He knows better than me.

So for today, I'm choosing to believe that not only and am I called to do His work for the rest of my life, I am called to do it right now. What that will look for my life in the coming months, I'm not sure of yet. But I do know that I'm ready, I've been ready for so long.

I don't want anything else this world has to offer, He is EVERYTHING I need.

All my delight is in YOU Lord,
Crissy

This is it.

Well it's 5:03 PM and we are officially done with ministry and everything we came to do. 

It's so crazy being in this place. Our two weeks in Kenya are over and in 6 short hours, we will board a plane for home.

Devastated is putting it lightly.

The beautiful thing about being this heavy hearted is that it must mean that God has given me a burden for not only missions but Kenya. I have met without a doubt the most amazing people on the planet here and I know our relationship won't end with this. But it doesn't make the sadness any sweeter. Coming back a second time was SUCH a blessing because I never even thought I would come to Africa in the first place. God is so incredibly faithful in His love for me. I literally have been planning this trip for a YEAR and now it's over. I never thought this day would come slash I never wanted it to. 

My heart is so heavy right now....I know that's very clear but I just can't emphasize it enough. I am literally on the verge of tears every 5 minutes. God has done things on this trip that I never expected and I am so unbelievably grateful to the people of Kenya for showing me what it really means to follow Jesus. 

I can't write much more without crying but when I get home I promise to be an open book so you will come with me next year :) thank you to everyone who helped me get here! 

Hating goodbyes,
Crissy 

Lions and Elephants and Zebras....OH MY!!!

Well my blogs have been a little confusing! The one I just posted was actually from yesterday...oops! So here is todays update!

On Sunday, we went to church at Mt. Kenya Baptist and then headed out to Timau Orphanage. It is an all boys orphanage and pretty spectacular to say the least! You can see Mt. Kenya almost perfectly and the surrounding area looks like something out of the sound of music! Everything is green and lush and absolutely beautiful. Being out there makes it literally impossible for me to not believe in our maker. We decided to head in for lunch with the boys after they finished church! They them sang amd danced for us! My favorite African tradition is the way they welcome visitors. Always a blessing to try to serve and then get blessed 10 fold in return. We played 4 corners inside because it was raining and it was a HOOT! The boys(and 2 girls that joined) absolutely had a blast playing it! Susan was the older girl and seemed shy was actually really smart and almost won a few times! I got out the first time on every round! Little Claire who couldn't have been older than 3...was laughing the entire time. She was hilarious. After the games we decided to walk the property and look at the river. Purity and Benson are the married couple who are the main caretakers of the boys and they do a phenomenal job. The boys were so well behaved but also just really kind hearted. You could see that these people were really humble servants of the Lord. I loved it.

After that we went back to the house and ate AMERICAN food of burgers, fries, broccoli, apple pie amd brownies! Nom. Nom. Nom. Thanks to Abby and Andrew for being so incredibly hospitable! The Daniels came over for dinner too and we got to talk with them most of the night! Jerry and Sherry Daniels have been missionaries for 38 YEARS to Africa! And boy was that such a blessing for me to get to hear from them and just fellowship!

Today was SUCH a cool day. We went out on safari THREE times!! We saw(are you ready for this list?!) elephants, zebras, heartbeasts, warthogs, baboons, chimps, rhinos, a blind rhino, gazelles, impalas, THREE LIONS, hyenas, water buffalos, giraffes, jackals and so much more that my camera will show later. But WOW! Our God is so extremely cool! The beautiful ways that he has shaped these creatures is so incredible...I could literally stare at them all day long. I'm so thankful that he not only created these animals but that we get to enjoy them! The elephants are by far my favorites! I just wish I could ride one! Haha but seriously....being back in Africa a lone is an answer to prayer but getting this perk is like the biggest cherry on top of the biggest Sunday in the world.

In awe of my Creator and His creation,
Crissy