Lillian.

Everyday I talk to Lillian, she smiles and puts her hands over her mouth because she still finds me, the white auntie, funny. Even if I look at Lillian, she giggles uncontrollably. I love her so good.

I love Lillian's hugs. I love Lillian's questions. I love Lillian's beautiful chocolate eyes. Lillian also loves me. We talk and laugh and play until our bellies hurt from laughing so hard. 

Lillian speaks English probably the best out of all the kids and she is no where near the oldest. If you look at Lillian's school uniform you will see 4 badges. Getting a badge at school means that you scored the highest out of everyone in your class on your exam, this means that out of the 8 subjects and 30 students in her class, Lillian got the highest grade on 4 of those exams. She is so smart and it's so cool to watch her learn.

The craziest part of Lillian's story? Lillian came from an extremely destitute situation. The people who run this orphanage only took in the most needy children they could find. Lillian was one of those children. She had one HIV positive mother to take care of her and a grandma who tried dearly but couldn't provide for sweet Lillian. Had someone not intervened, Lillian probably wouldn't even be in school today, much less making the highest grades out of anyone in her class.

I can't help but think...what if Lillian had never been rescued? How many Einsteins are hiding in poverty, just waiting for someone to send them to school? 

This reminds so much of what the Father wants to do for us. So many times we are stuck in spiritual poverty because we truly cannot provide for ourselves. We NEED Jesus to rescue us to help us succeed in what He has for us. But what if Lillian's grandma and very sick mother had said no to help? What if they thought that they could do the best for her? Would Lillian be succeeding today? Maybe...but probably not. Our Savior came to rescue us, bind up the brokenhearted and proclaim freedom for the captives. Guys, we are the captives. We keep ourselves captive SO many times simply because we think that where we are is the best we can be. What a lie from the enemy. 

Lillian inspires me. She knows where she came from and it doesn't hinder her. 

I can't let my past hinder me anymore. 

Jesus wants to use my story and your story and Lillian's story,
he rescued all of us and he has redeemed all of us to do His will. 

I adore this little lady. So much. 

How Great Thou Art

Do you remember being a little kid around Christmastime? When you would hope and pray and wish for that one gift that would make your 8 year old life? The end all be all of gifts. And then finally Christmas morning comes and you open your favorite, most anticipated present. At this moment your heart is so filled with joy & excitement that you literally don’t know what to do. Do you say thank you to your parents for giving you EXACTLY what you always wanted or do you immediately start playing with the toy and never do anything else? Usually you’re running around with it for awhile before you remember to say thank you, but it comes. And it will come for months after when you are still playing with your most prized possession, and then many years later you will remember that Christmas morning.

My favorite Christmas morning was when I received a Barbie dream house. Complete with a garage and in house elevator. It was so awesome. I’ve never screamed so loudly in my life, my parent’s poor eardrums. I will never forget the joy I felt that morning. My parents made my dreams come true right before my eyes. I’m also pretty sure I played with that Barbie dream house long after girls should be playing with Barbie things but whatever; it was a Barbie DREAM HOUSE. You don’t just toss those babies.

To not downsize what God has done in any way this summer, Kenya is my Barbie dream house (metaphorically). The question “what will I be when I grow up?” has finally been answered. I thought I knew how much I loved Kenya. I thought I knew how much God loved me. I thought I knew what this summer would be like.

I was so wrong. And I am so glad about that.

I've been in Kenya for exactly one month. My life is incredible. I have been truly blessed to not only do ministry through opportunities the Lord has given but I’ve also been able to explore the amazing things Kenya itself has to offer. For example, the second tallest building in Kenya overlooking all of Nairobi, amazing.

For the first 2 weeks of my summer, I worked in an orphanage and a school where God made me fall in love with kids and teachers that I had never met before. He humbled me in such a way that not only will I ever be the same; I simply cannot be who I used to be after doing life with these people.

For the last 2 weeks I’ve served all over Kenya with a ton of different people and organizations. I had been praying about where God had me once I moved here after graduation. Through RIDICULOUS divine appointment, God has given me some amazing opportunities to pray about and work towards.

I never thought I’d make “best friends” in Kenya. I was wrong. I never thought I’d had a lot of friends in Kenya. Once again, wrong. The Lord is intricately weaving relationships and contacts here in Kenya so there is almost no way I could ever feel lonely or out of place.

I can’t believe it’s been a month.
I can’t believe how much this place has truly captured my heart.
I love everything about Kenya.
I absolutely adore my life here.

I have been praying my whole entire life to be where God has me and to know what that will look like. I regularly find myself thinking how great Thou art? How great that God made me to love Kenya so intimately that I actually know I am in His will when I am here? How great that God is using all my passions to glorify Him? How great that God loves me so deeply that I’m never alone even when I’m 8,000 miles away from my earthly family. How great Thou art. I am so incredibly blessed to know that Kenya is not just a Christmas present that I will outgrow. It is something I have been waiting my whole life for and I can’t wait to fall in love over and over and over again with this country.

I am so thankful.

I am so content.

I am so joyful.

I am home.

Healing through Hip Hop

So let me just explain something to you. God absolutely and without a doubt knows your heart better than you do. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will stop fighting His will for your life.

That being said, this weekend was awesome. So, so, SO awesome. There is group called K-Krew in Kenya. Let me tell you about them. 10 years ago, the founders Moz & Njugush realized that there was no gospel music in Kenya so they decided to do something about it. They joined together rappers, djs, dancers, singers...anything and everything musical and started K-Krew. And the rest is history. Today they have a tv show with over 30 million viewers and in the past year, 24,000 people have come to Christ.

How do they get such astounding numbers? They go on what they call "missions" and spread the gospel. A typical mission runs like this, a warm up of dancing for everyone in the room (missions are usually in high schools but can really be anywhere) and then a message from maybe Njugush or Moz or whoever, this then leads to a prayer of salvation. Afterwards they feature upcoming artists around Kenya & East Africa to sing, rap and spread their music to more people. All of their music is Christ driven by the way, representing Jesus in every single lyric. So simple and so effective, why? Because they're not trying to make the gospel glamorous, they're trying to make the gospel known.

We got to participate in 6 of their missions this weekend. Let me rephrase. I got to dance on stage and worship Jesus through hip hop with K-Krew and hundreds of teenage kids. If you know me, you know that this is what Heaven feels like to me. If you know me, you know that I couldn't have been happier to be with these people.

And to top it off, I became basically BFFs (haha) with all of them. I told Moz&Njugush that I would be happy joining K-Krew and being the only white person. They pretended to think I was funny.

God has made me (and you) so intricately. Sometimes I wonder if every desire and passion I have can really be used to glorify God. After this weekend, I will never question that again.

I love Kenya. I love hip hop. And I love dancing. All of those passions can glorify God at the same time and that is so incredibly cool.

What do you love? Just DO that for Jesus. Stop waiting to have the right answer or the right timing, God's waiting for you to remember how perfectly He made you. He really wants you to know that He knows your heart better than you do and He can give you the most amazing life you could ever ask for.

In Him,
Crissy

Joyce.

I stare at Joyce, on of our orphanage girls who is 7 & in 1st grade. She works so diligently on her paper and concentrates on all she is doing. I can only imagine what must be going through her mind as she takes her English exam. Because Joyce doesn't speak english. When I talk to her she just laughs and wants to play with my camera. How in the world is she supposed to take an exam written in English?

I have no idea but girl is trying.

I love Joyce for so many reasons. The main one is that out of my week and 4 days of being with her, I've seen her not smile maybe once. That means she's been smiling 99.9% of the time I've seen her. That is one joyful girl. She reminds me of the joy the Father has for me when He sees me. She is also a beautiful picture of the children Jesus talked about. You know the ones that would enter the Kingdom of Heaven and sit at his right hand? Yeah, Joyce will totally be there.

In case you would like to fall in love with Joyce too -

So who knows where Joyce will go or what she will grow up to be but I know that she has 31 brothers and sisters and a LOT of mom's & dads & aunties (me!!) who will make sure she is successful! We are all cheering Joyce on and everyone chips in to help her with her english. By the way, Joyce took an English reading exam the next day with me by her side to mark her paper. I marked her with 44 out of 50 words correct with reading. She may be quiet but she has the loudest heart I've ever seen. Joyce inspires me and the most conversation we've ev er had was - "How are you, Joyce? - "Fine." Good thing smiles are universal. [sorry that was kind of cheesy, I'm fine with that because it's true].

Reunited and it feels so good.

Jambo! Let me tell you how good it feels to be back in Kenya. Your mind is a funny thing you know. It remembers so much more than just what your eyes see. It remembers sounds, smells and sensations of touch. I've been in Kenya since Wednesday evening and staying with a family that is a friend of mine. They are Joy & Rich Lee, easily the most accommodating & loving family that I've ever met. I've been so blessed to get to share my time in Nairobi with them and their two beautiful daughters, Abigail (5) & Kasi (3). Tomorrow I leave for Naivasha to go to a children's home, which is where I will be spending the majority of my summer. I spoke with the pastor on the phone this evening and he said that everyone was very excited to meet me. I don't think they realize how excited I am to meet them :) While I'm there I will be teaching English, leading devotionals, helping with chores and of course...DANCING! There are many girls & boys in this children's home and my goal is that through this blog I can introduce some of them to you! Usually my blogs will be longer and more in depth but my time here so far has been adjusting to jet lag and catching up with my old friends and making new ones. I have really been blessed with a community of friends in Kenya that take care of me and make sure I'm alright. That is a blessing that I never could have imagined. Other than daily events, God has really been teaching me to let Him speak and stop trying to talk all the time. I really like to plan my life and God is reminding me that when He made the world, He was thinking of me -- so maybe I should stop trying to do his job. In Him, Crissy

Your love never fails.

I think if I had to pick what God was teaching me the most this semester - through surrendering to Him and His will - I would say that it's learning and believing that His love NEVER fails.


His love doesn't fail when I do. His love doesn't fail when I don't believe in it. His love doesn't fail when I want it to. His love doesn't fail when I don't trust in Him. His love NEVER fails. My sinful human heart just can't wrap my head around this concept.


I've never been more in love with Jesus than I have been this semester. I've never cared about His people around the world and His heart more than I have this semester. I've also never had to trust Him in the way that I've had to trust Him this semester. It has been like jumping off a cliff and hoping that there's water at the bottom to land on. But there has been water there...every. single. time.


Exactly one month ago the Lord asked me to give up something that was very important in my life. This thing had been my life for the past 3 years. It defined me at Texas A&M. Giving this thing up was not just something I would do for no reason and Jesus knew that. Because He knows me better than I know myself, He reminded me of HIS plans for me and not my plans and He reminded that He LOVES me and KNOWS better. 


After many tears on my own and many tearful conversations, I closed the door on that chapter of my life, not having any idea of what was to come. I legitimately have no idea how I will spend my last year at Texas A&M, I am relying on my Savior to 100% provide in that area. I'll be honest when I say that this is new for me. I've never been in such an uncomfortable place that I've had to rely on Him in this much, which is why it makes so much sense that I'm here now.


I leave for Kenya in 22 days. Wow. I don't have all my money yet but I'm not freaking out. I'm not worried and I'm not stressed out. I've been taught too many times that if He takes care of the entire universe, why in the world would He not take care of me? 

His love never fails.

Did anyone else need this reminder today? That no matter what happens, His LOVE for you will never fail you? To believe that Jesus will fail you is to believe that He doesn't love you. Don't let yourself believe that. Trust me when I say that He will just come back and slap you in the face with a big bowl of love and prove you wrong.


Sacrificing to yourself and surrendering to God's will can be scary but it's good to be in a place where everything will fail if Jesus doesn't come through. Why? Because it means you can't rely on yourself and you have to rely on Jesus. His love will never fail.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

Crissy

Resting in Peace.

I haven't been reading my Bible, I've been pulling all nighters and I've been sleeping all weekend. Last week was horrible...to say the least. I got about 8 hours of sleep in 4 days and when I was awake and not studying, I was dancing or working out. I was exhausted. And I didn't make time for Jesus and so now I was not only physically exhausted, but emotionally and spiritually exhausted too.

When I get tired like this, every single thing that comes up immediately stresses me out. Usually I turn to Jesus or my word or my friends and calm myself down but because I had excluded all of those things from my life, I had nothing to turn to and honestly, I just fell apart. But today I finally read my bible and I finally feel whole again.

⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8

To say that this verse is exactly what I need is an understatement. It feels as if the Lord gave this verse to Jeremiah in hopes of me reading it today.

I have been unbelievably stressed about Kenya. Raising $5,000 just seems so foreign to me. I'm not sure how it's possible and I've been unsure if God was going to provide. I KNOW. I'm an idiot. But I turn into a completely different person when I'm tired.

This verse hit me hard. What I loved the most about this verse is that it does not say that heat or drought WON'T come, it says that the tree will not fear or worry when those things come.

My trust is in the LORD and my confidence lies with my Savior. He knows me. He loves me. He does not forget about me. My roots are planted within His stream and I will not fear when drought comes because His tree never fails to bear fruit.

So maybe you're like me. Maybe you forget that Jesus loves you sometimes. Maybe you forget that even when you're busy and you're in a bad mood, that He still wants to talk to you and be friends with you. Or maybe worst of all (also like me) you forget that no matter how long you go without talking to Him, that He will still wants to talk to you, just as much.

I have about a month of school left and I want to freak out about papers and tests and assignments and life but I know better. I have a Savior who wants to cover my every single need and while it's good to prioritize my life, worrying does nothing for it. He will give me the strength, He will give me the endurance and He will give me the peace to finish this journey. All I have to do is trust Him.

Sounds easy enough, right? Let's do it. Let's live in peace today, free from worry and doubt and just trust Jesus with this beautiful life that He's given us.

In overwhelming peace today,
Crissy