Your love never fails.

I think if I had to pick what God was teaching me the most this semester - through surrendering to Him and His will - I would say that it's learning and believing that His love NEVER fails.


His love doesn't fail when I do. His love doesn't fail when I don't believe in it. His love doesn't fail when I want it to. His love doesn't fail when I don't trust in Him. His love NEVER fails. My sinful human heart just can't wrap my head around this concept.


I've never been more in love with Jesus than I have been this semester. I've never cared about His people around the world and His heart more than I have this semester. I've also never had to trust Him in the way that I've had to trust Him this semester. It has been like jumping off a cliff and hoping that there's water at the bottom to land on. But there has been water there...every. single. time.


Exactly one month ago the Lord asked me to give up something that was very important in my life. This thing had been my life for the past 3 years. It defined me at Texas A&M. Giving this thing up was not just something I would do for no reason and Jesus knew that. Because He knows me better than I know myself, He reminded me of HIS plans for me and not my plans and He reminded that He LOVES me and KNOWS better. 


After many tears on my own and many tearful conversations, I closed the door on that chapter of my life, not having any idea of what was to come. I legitimately have no idea how I will spend my last year at Texas A&M, I am relying on my Savior to 100% provide in that area. I'll be honest when I say that this is new for me. I've never been in such an uncomfortable place that I've had to rely on Him in this much, which is why it makes so much sense that I'm here now.


I leave for Kenya in 22 days. Wow. I don't have all my money yet but I'm not freaking out. I'm not worried and I'm not stressed out. I've been taught too many times that if He takes care of the entire universe, why in the world would He not take care of me? 

His love never fails.

Did anyone else need this reminder today? That no matter what happens, His LOVE for you will never fail you? To believe that Jesus will fail you is to believe that He doesn't love you. Don't let yourself believe that. Trust me when I say that He will just come back and slap you in the face with a big bowl of love and prove you wrong.


Sacrificing to yourself and surrendering to God's will can be scary but it's good to be in a place where everything will fail if Jesus doesn't come through. Why? Because it means you can't rely on yourself and you have to rely on Jesus. His love will never fail.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

Crissy

Resting in Peace.

I haven't been reading my Bible, I've been pulling all nighters and I've been sleeping all weekend. Last week was horrible...to say the least. I got about 8 hours of sleep in 4 days and when I was awake and not studying, I was dancing or working out. I was exhausted. And I didn't make time for Jesus and so now I was not only physically exhausted, but emotionally and spiritually exhausted too.

When I get tired like this, every single thing that comes up immediately stresses me out. Usually I turn to Jesus or my word or my friends and calm myself down but because I had excluded all of those things from my life, I had nothing to turn to and honestly, I just fell apart. But today I finally read my bible and I finally feel whole again.

⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8

To say that this verse is exactly what I need is an understatement. It feels as if the Lord gave this verse to Jeremiah in hopes of me reading it today.

I have been unbelievably stressed about Kenya. Raising $5,000 just seems so foreign to me. I'm not sure how it's possible and I've been unsure if God was going to provide. I KNOW. I'm an idiot. But I turn into a completely different person when I'm tired.

This verse hit me hard. What I loved the most about this verse is that it does not say that heat or drought WON'T come, it says that the tree will not fear or worry when those things come.

My trust is in the LORD and my confidence lies with my Savior. He knows me. He loves me. He does not forget about me. My roots are planted within His stream and I will not fear when drought comes because His tree never fails to bear fruit.

So maybe you're like me. Maybe you forget that Jesus loves you sometimes. Maybe you forget that even when you're busy and you're in a bad mood, that He still wants to talk to you and be friends with you. Or maybe worst of all (also like me) you forget that no matter how long you go without talking to Him, that He will still wants to talk to you, just as much.

I have about a month of school left and I want to freak out about papers and tests and assignments and life but I know better. I have a Savior who wants to cover my every single need and while it's good to prioritize my life, worrying does nothing for it. He will give me the strength, He will give me the endurance and He will give me the peace to finish this journey. All I have to do is trust Him.

Sounds easy enough, right? Let's do it. Let's live in peace today, free from worry and doubt and just trust Jesus with this beautiful life that He's given us.

In overwhelming peace today,
Crissy

The Friendship That Changed My Life

"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends."
John 15:13

Essentially the thing that is on my mind is the thing that is always on my mind. Kenya. Except it seems so much closer, so much more real. This is probably because I'm booking my plane tickets and I got a sizable donation from my church.

Oh yeah, and the trip is 63 days away.

I am just over two months away from living in Kenya all summer. I cannot even begin to wrap my brain around that, it just doesn't feel real. And just like with everything else God has given me in my life, I feel like I don't deserve it.

In my deliriousness last night, I just had to talk to some of my friends that live in Kenya. I wrote on their walls and sent them messages. Of course they all responded immediately with invitations to visit them and take care of me while I am there. Then it hit me, like really really hit me, I have friends in Kenya. I have friends that are thousands of miles of way that love me and want to see me. And then I realize, Jesus gave them all to me. Jesus loved me SO MUCH that He gave me them.

I'm in shock. I don't understand. I spent a very limited amount of time with these people last summer but Jesus completely sparked a connection within all of our hearts for one another because He knew. He knew I'd be back and He knew it would be for a long time.

I love the American friends that I've had for years. The friends that know my secrets, the friends that get my humor, the friends that choose to laugh at me when I don't make sense (which is often) instead of pointing out my faults, the friends that have wiped away my tears and the friends that have been there for all the moments in between.

I love my Kenyan friends. I've known them for a significantly shorter amount of time than most of my other friends but they are so Christ-centered and so FULL OF LOVE that I can't help but be incredibly thankful for every single one of them, all the time. They are absolutely some of the best people that I have ever met, in fact I get a glimpse of Jesus' love in the way that they love me. Being around them FILLS me with JOY and I soak it in. I can't help but think about their lives and their jobs and their schoolwork and wish that I was there with them because I would just love to hear their voices and see their faces again.

Luckily for me, I will in 63 days :)

But through all these wonderful friendships, whether in America or Kenya or somewhere else in the world, I realize that they all point to the greatest friend of all, the bestfriend that I could truly ever have. Jesus. Human friendships are beautiful and messy and imperfect and hilarious but friendship with Jesus is perfect. I have never had a friend who has never let me down, who has given me wise counsel on what truly would be best for my life in EVERY situation and I have never had a friend who has died a scandalously gruesome death so I might have the life that they wanted me to have.

Can you think of your best friend in the entire world? The person who has truly been there every single time you needed them and the friendship that no fight could ever end?
Got it? Okay, me too.

Now I want you to imagine that friendship being 10,000 times better. More transparency, more love, more truth, more wisdom, more laughs, more late night talks, more inside jokes, more [insert the thing you love most about your friendship here].

Well that's what friendship with Jesus is like.
He is truly the best friend that you could ever have.

How cheesy does that sound? Well I don't care, it's true. He is not concerned with saying the right thing to always make me happy or lying to not hurt my feelings. He also always has my absolute best in mind and He would never dream of hurting me.

Even though I hurt him in a daily basis.
I am the worst friend in the world.

No matter how horribly in sin I find myself, I always come back to this place where I can actually feel Jesus pursuing me. He wants me back. He misses me. HOW could He miss me? I daily fail Him in the most basic aspects of friendship. This is what makes our friendship even more precious.

I don't have to always do the right thing for Jesus to love me. I don't have to always say the right thing to make Jesus pleased with me. I don't have to always be happy with Jesus for Him to rejoice over me. And I definitely don't have to always be a good friend for Jesus to be an unconditional friend to me. But the aspects of His friendship towards me make me want to be those towards Him. He draws me in by never leaving me.

His presence makes it impossible for me to leave.

His friendship changed my life. He chose to be my friend. He chose to love me. And everyday He chooses to keep believing in my and pushing me to be more. The things that He has given me in this life, well I could not have imagined them for myself, ever. He knows my heart so intimately and has consistently shaped my life in the most amazing way. Best. Friend. Ever.

If you haven't experience real intimacy and relationship with Jesus, do it. He will never judge you, condemn you or laugh at you [He will only laugh with you:)]. He loves every single inch of you more than you could ever think or imagine. All you have to do is let Him love you.

Crissy

I'm a missionary? My testimony of how I got here.

So a weird thing happened today. We were supposed to have bible study tonight and I was supposed to give my testimony. I drove 3/12 hours from home and for a lot of the time I was praying about what I should say but I felt like no one would show up, but I wanted to make sure I was ready no matter what.

And then no one showed up.

It was like one of those..."oh that must have been God telling me that" moments. And then a couple minutes ago I felt the urgency to share some of my testimony on here in hopes to encourage and empower. If I'm being honest, I feel like my testimony is not that great. I haven't overcome some ridiculous obstacles and I haven't risen up from the depths of some addiction. But what makes a great testimony? Think of testimonies that have inspired you to change or empowered you to overcome?

Some of them might include overcoming addictions or rising up against overwhelming adversity but ALL of them include running wildly after Jesus and loving Him and His people with every inch of your heart.

So here I am, broken, sinful, humbled and redeemed at the feet of my Father. Because the Bible is NOT about me, my redemption even is NOT about me, my testimony is about Jesus. So being insecure about how "great" my testimony is downplays Jesus and uplifts me. That is the opposite of what we're supposed to do. So I have decided to make His name great and trust that HE is good (which He is).

Here we go. It's long but bear with me.

I grew up in christian home and I lived a pretty "Christian" life. The first time I ventured beyond my own backyard was in 2005 to Montego Bay, Jamaica. I loved everything about new cultures and new places. This trip set the stage for my life today.

Blossom Gardens Orphanage, Montego Bay, Jamaica - 2005

We then went on another trip the following year to Matamoros, Mexico. There was a guy on the trip who spoke Spanish and knew enough english to get by with me at least, who knew a little spanish. We had met a couple that day that explained to him why they weren't dating, because the girl loved Jesus and the guy didn't. The Mexican guy later told me the story in Spanish and English and we somehow figured it out.

I had such joy from this situation because it felt like for the first time, I was using something I had learned. Then my friend Amber said something that I will remember for the rest of my life.

"Maybe you're called to Mexico"

The power of that statement still resonates within my heart today. That statement gave a little bit of my spirit away to missions for Jesus for the first time ever. When I thought about Mexico from then on, I thought that I would spend some time every year going on a trip and being a translator for mission teams. We went to Mexico again a year later and it was just as amazing as the first time. I loved the way my heart felt with those people.

Matamoros, Mexico - 2007

It would be awhile before I left the country to serve Jesus again but it finally came after my sophomore year of college. One of my best friends at the time asked me to come with her to Kenya and Uganda for two weeks of my summer. Obviously I said yes immediately (sorry mom and dad).

Honestly, I didn't think that God could teach me anything in Africa.

Haha. I'll be honest when I say that I was an idiot. I thought that I was called to Mexico and that Africa would just be another notch on my mission trip belt. Ps...If you want notches on your mission trip belt, don't go somewhere that's 24 hours away.

God literally SHATTERED my heart on that trip in 2010. I have never in my entire life seen the kind of poverty that I saw there. I fell in love with every single child that I hugged and I have never felt the Spirit of God so thick...not even in Mexico. I started to become concerned. Then once again, a woman of God named Whitney Hill (at the time-now Koonce) said...

"God didn't give me heart for a certain place, but for a certain type of people"

Like my Savior loves me so much. So I came back from that trip in awe of how big my Daddy was, in love with a whole new group of people and confused at what God had for my life.

Nairobi, Kenya - 2010

But nonetheless I began planning my trip back to Africa for the following year. My junior year consisted of valleys and mountains, where I served God wholeheartedly and where I completely abandoned what it means to be a Christian.

Then at Passion Fort Worth 2011, I finally made the decision to serve God as a missionary full time, one day. I cried my eyes out and accepted that one day my life will probably be living in a hut with no internet access and a weekly bath.

I went back to Kenya in the summer of 2011 so anticipatory of a trip that I had been planning for literally a year. I was so excited to have my senses remember Kenya again. The sights, the sounds, the smells...it all came back so fluidly. I felt at home again. The second the plane landed, my exhaustion could not overcome my JOY of being where I knew God had me. This was easily the most intimate trip of my entire life and this trip made it very real for me of what life would be like if I lived here one day.

Nairobi, Kenya - 2011

So let's fast forward to December 2011. 6 months later. I'm sitting at my desk at Reynolds & Reynolds where I'm listening to a podcast and hearing about people around the world and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. God says very loudly and very clearly,

"I did not call you to be a missionary one day, I called you to be a missionary NOW. Prepare your heart to move to Africa as soon as you graduate"

In case you were wondering...I did start crying in my cubicle. Not a sad cry but a joyful cry, like a cry when you've been waiting to find out if your baby is a boy or a girl and you finally know and you're so excited that you cry! Or when you want to know if you got the job or not and you get the job and you cry! See I knew that God had something different for my life than the life that He had for a lot of people I knew, but I had no idea what.

So fast forward to now. I am finally in the place in my life where I can say that I will be a missionary.

Woah.

All my statements have turned from "will be" to "get to be". I GET to live on another continent? I GET to tell people about Jesus? I GET to know all types of cultures and peoples? I GET to experience poverty and find joy in it? AH. I can't believe that God loves me so much that He chose this life for me. This life that brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined for myself.

Your story may not have the exact same plot as mine but it has the exact same point. To bring Jesus' name glory. He ADORES you. He LOVES you. He has the BEST plans in the world for you if you just listen to His timing.

Hebrews 6:19 says that Hope is the ANCHOR of the soul. Hope is what gets you through the rough patches, Hope is what makes you cling and Hope is faith in ACTION. Hope acts.

In awe of His love tonight,
Crissy

The Beauty of Sacrifice

"They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm."
Psalm 20:8

Sacrifice. That's what I'm calling this season of my life. Season is kind of a christian-y word so if you are unfamiliar with the term it basically means a part of your life that God is taking you through. Ecclesiastes 3 is one of the best pictures of seasons in the bible. As Christians, we will have many different seasons because God is not going to teach us one thing in our entire life, we will learn many things and usually it takes different situations, sometimes different situations teaching the same things (we are so stubborn) for us to learn them.

So back to Sacrifice. Entering this semester, I knew that the Lord wanted to strip away my earthly desires from me. Because honestly, I will be moving to Africa after I graduate for at least a year and then probably for forever. I can finally say in confidence (and excitement) that I am going to be a missionary. I kind of came to the conclusion that I wasn't just going to start being a missionary when I moved to Africa but that I needed to start living as one now. Well my sacrificial life didn't last long but then came Lent. I was really convicted to strip away the things of this world that enslave me. I am going to be very transparent here so please do not see this as boasting but confessing what I HAD to give up for Lent because it was interfering with my walk with the Lord. I am not so awesome because I'm giving up all these things, I literally HAD to do it. Be encouraged that you're not as screwed up as me.

1) TV. I chose to give up TV because I spent more time watching TV than I did spending time with my Savior. I just couldn't understand why fake characters were more interesting to me than the REAL person who shed His blood for me.
2) Facebook & Twitter. Most people would say that these are idols of time, which they definitely are for me but more importantly they are idols of approval. Embarrassingly, I must admit that I actually LOVE when people retweet my tweets or favorite them or reply to me telling me how great they are. And I hate posting a facebook status and not getting likes on it. This is extremely embarrassing for me but I gotta be honest with you guys. I find way too much worth in what people think of my words.
3) Fast food. When I'm having a bad day my first want is to run to food. Fast food makes that extremely easy for me. When I'm having a bad day or something disrupts my life, I should run to Jesus first, always. Food is definitely a "comforter" for me. Jesus should always be my portion and my comfort.

Those are the main things. So embarrassing but so good because even in one day I have already noticed Jesus' faithfulness through my sacrifice.

Sacrifice is one of the best ways to bond with our Savior. He gave the ultimate sacrifice for us in death, so when we sacrifice parts of our life in order to be closer to Him, we feel a little bit of what He felt. When I say little, I mean 1/1000th but it's still beautiful to bond with Him in that.

All of these things are also drawing me to do the thing that will ultimately revolutionize my life, prayer. Being in communion with my Savior through prayer is what will make my life different when it comes to trial. If I am always talking with Jesus, when something bad happens and I tell Him about it, it won't feel weird or awkward. And it certainly won't feel like I'm asking "just because I need something". Prayer is the ultimate thing to TAKE ON for Lent. Whatever you're giving up should lead you to be with Jesus more. If it's some sort of food, when you want that food, pray. Spend time with the Lord and let Him remind you that you should rely on Him always. Man does not live on bread alone.

I can't wait to live in Africa. I can't wait to have nothing. I really can't. I rely on so many things to give me joy and ONLY my Savior can do that. I encourage you to search your heart and find where you find your joy. If it really is only in Jesus then I commend you, you're a baller. If not, run to Jesus. Only He can truly satisfy the desires of your heart.

When I really think about it, sacrifice seems like nothing if this gets to be my life everyday :)

In Him,
Crissy

Being faithful in the little.

I just got back from one of the best weekends I've had in a while. I spent the weekend with my bestfriends in Lubbock, Texas. For me, it took 8 hours of driving to get there. Luckily most of that drive included one of my bestfriends as well. This drive gave me lots of time to think about the upcoming seasons of my life and reflecting on what God has done in the past.

Bear with me, I know this post will be long but I think it's something that we all relate to.

Personally, I am in a constant fleshly struggle of wanting to know every detail of God's plan for my life and wanting to know 0% of God's plan for my life. I never get either, as I'm sure you guys can relate, but it would sometimes be nice to know some little details or know that you're NEVER going to know. I realize that both of these ideals are very faithless in our great big God, but what can I say? I'm human.

So with wanting to know everything...this is the camp I usually hang out in. I would like to know everything that God has for my life so I can therefore make life-decisions based on that plan and just work everything out in my perfect human world. That would be great, right? Wrong. This plan completely rules out faith in the God of the universe. And honestly if God had told me that after college I would be moving to Africa when I was 16 years old...I probably wouldn't have actually answered that call til I was about 60. So in hindsight, not knowing everything is pretty great.

And now some of you are going to think I'm weird here. Sometimes I just want to know that God is never going to reveal anything to me until the very moment that it happens. I know that sound strange but in my life, I am very black and white. I want my yes's to be yes's and no's to be no's. When trusting God with your life, sometimes that means going back on promises that your human heart decided and made. If I didn't know ANY part of my plan, then heck, I could do whatever I wanted and not have to worry about working towards some goal. This plan also completely eliminates a need for Jesus all the time, it makes me need Him only in the moments that my life changes.

Now to where I am right now. Right now I know about 3 things for the next year and half.
-I know that I will be in Kenya during June and July.
-I know that I will finish my last year of college next may.
-I know that I will move overseas (probably to africa) after I graduate.

That is it. That's all I know. I don't know if I'll go to A&M next year, I don't know where I'll be living next year (which includes the whole school thing), I don't know what organization I will be moving overseas with, I basically don't know a lot of things. And for the planner side of me, well that freaking KILLS me. For the spontaneous part of me, that makes me the happiest person alive. And for the whole me, that does tend to stress me out, I need to know where I am going to spend next year, for human purposes...like literally where will I live? With who? What city? So many things.

But amidst all the unknowing, I do know one thing 100%. I have a great big Father in Heaven who loves me and wants to succeed.

With that knowledge, I am going to be faithful in the little. Our generation is PASSIONATE and it's beautiful. But sometimes we think that success in God's eyes is the same as success in the world's eyes. So we all strive to be christian speakers, pastors, worship leaders, rappers...something. Because we know God has big plans for us(and He does) but remember, that our human definition of big is not God's definition.

Be faithful in the little. Be faithful in the person or place that is right in front of you. See where God has you TODAY. Not a year from now and not next week but TODAY. And when you do need to make a decision about next year, next month, next week, or even tomorrow, spend some serious time consulting God about it. He loves you so much and WANTS to help you and LOVES you. All you have to do is ask.

Sometimes being faithful in the little means simply praying and reading your bible...actually that's always what it means. Always pray. Always spend time with Jesus. Always want His will for your life. Seek first the kingdom of God....and He'll take care of everything else.

And remember, little is also in human terms. Being faithful in the little today is actually being faithful in the BIG in the Kingdom.

Choosing to be faithful in the little today,
Crissy

IM GOING BACK!

Well it is officially OFFICIAL!

Minus the financial side...my trip planning to go back to Kenya is officially underway! Thanks to the talented and lovely Whitney Koonce, I will get to live my dream this summer.

The tentative plan is that I will stay in Naivasha (which is about an hour and a half north of Nairobi) for most of June and all of July with Pastor's on their property. Which also happens to be the property tha their children's home is on! I will get to help teach the kids english, help with them with their gardening chores and taking care of the donkeys, chickens and rabbits and at night we will have devotionals together and even sometimes we will get to DANCE. It's like this trip was made for me. That's our great big God for you :)

Also while I'm in Africa, I will also join the Tin Roof Society trip in June to Nairobi and Mombasa. I am SO excited to get to serve on this trip as well because it will involve seeing many of my friends from last year and I will get to go to the BEACH! Ah.

I would write so much more but I'm late for class haha BUT I just wanted to give you guys an update on how great our God is because He completely worked out this plan for me.

Now because I will be staying all summer it is going to be a little bit more expensive. So first off I would ask that you would partner with me in PRAYER because God wants to give us our desires, we only need to ask! Secondly, if you have been blessed this year I would ask that you consider donating to my trip, I would be honored! I will also be selling beads and shirts in the next couple months to raise money too :)

Thank you so much for your support and love - I am SOOOO excited to serve God in my favorite place for 2 whole months this summer!

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Romans 10:14-15

Crissy